Skip to main content

Bite Me, Little Debbie

It's amazing what you can find on these crazy Interwebs. Exhibit A:


Yep, Little Debbie tries and tries to wear me down with her promise of cheap, sweet thrills but somehow I've managed to stay away from a box of Oatmeal Cream Pies in my own home for over a week now.*

Scott's responsible for this devil woman's merchandise taking up space in my pantry. He has a bit of a sweet tooth for foods that aren't really, well, food. Looking at the box of OCPs, here's the ingredients:

Corn Syrup, Enriched Bleached Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate [Vitamin B1] Riboflavin [Vitamin B2] (Folic Acid)Partially Hydrogenated Soybean and Cottonseed Oil with TBHQ to Preserve Flavor, Dextrose, Water, Oats, Sugar, Molasses, Raisins, contains 2% or less of each of the Following: Leavening (Baking Soda, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate, Ammonium Bicarbonate) Whey [Milk] Emulsifiers (Soy Lecithin, Mono and Diglycerides, Sorbitan Monostearate, Polysorbate 60)Salt, Cornstarch, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Eggs, Interesterfied Palm and Palm Kernel Oils, Soybean Oil, Sorbic Acid (To Retain Freshness) Cocoa, Colors (Caramel Color, Titanium Dioxide, Red 40, Beta Carotene, Turmeric, Annatto Extract, Yellow 5) Egg Whites, Citric Acid, Pectin, Sodium Citrate, Coconut (Sulfite Treated to Preserve Color) Evaporated Apples (Sulfite Treated to Preserve Color) Nonfat Dry Milk, Carrageenan, Spices, Rice Flour.


For example, the tasty-sounding Sorbitan Monostearate isn't just for OCPs, but also used to make synthetic fibers, metal machining fluid, and brighteners in the leather industry. Added bonus: it's an emulsifier in coatings, pesticides, and in the plastics, food and cosmetics industries.

Um, YUM.

So...I think this fact supports my decision to lay off the Little Debbie OCPs and her evil Star Crunch, Banana Twins, Zebra Cakes, Swiss Cake Rolls, Fudge Rounds, Nutty Bars, and her seasonal Christmas Tree Snack Cakes, just to name a nasty few. You may have had me at age 7, Debbie Girl, but you won't con me anymore!

P.S. - We mixed it up here tonight and tried out a new template. What sayeth you, oh friends of HTT? Dig it? Hate it? Let us know!

*Tangent/footnote - Although we did dance at our wedding to Southern Culture on the Skids' "Camel Walk," which is an ode to all sorts of snacks and fine foods like Little Debbie OCPs and the Lance company's Captains Wafers crackers. It is one bad ass song. You have to see a SCOTs show for once in your life, as any band that throws out fried chicken to the audience is top-freaking-notch.

Comments

  1. You'd be amazed how much of that is derived from the disturbing overabundance of low grade corn we have in this country.

    (Side note: word verification for today is "prommies"; this should be added to the dictionary to describe mothers who are over-involved in planning, running (or ruining), and chaperoning their children's prom and other school events, much to the child's dismay and horror.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yep, you're very right about the corn subsidies. Watching all the plethora of food documentaries in the past couple of years (King Corn comes to mind as a big one), I know our nation of fatties can thank cheap excess corn.

    Also, I want to know who you are and how you manage to write such witty remarks about the Blogger word verification process. Love them!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Not sure about the new layout... I was def. confused at first, but I'll probably get used to it.

    P.S. Eff you Little Debbie!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Best Way to Keep Cannoli Fresh and Other Baltimore Stories

My mom and step-dad were up visiting for Thanksgiving and after gorging ourselves on turkey and the sites of D.C., I took them on a day-trip to Baltimore.

After a visit to my mom's favorite museum (she's a mosaic artist), we aimed for lunch at Rocket to Venus in Hampden. It was closed for lunch, but our trip up Charles St. wasn't for naught - we stumbled onto residents of 34th St. setting up their Christmas displays! This street is Christmas at its best, or worst, depending on your tolerance/interest in all things Christmas. Erin teases me for being a scrooge, but I have to admit, lights and what-not are nice at this cold and dark time of year.

After a brief walk through Hampden, we aimed for lunch at Kooper's Tavern in Fells Point. The tavern was most certainly open, with rowdy sports fans packing the bar and even spilling onto the sidewalk for fresh-shucked oysters. (My friend Gideon would have camped out right there for their Chincoteagues!) After some deliberati…

Adventures in Gardening

We're back with another edition of "Hey, we used to be bloggers." I am not so sure who reads blogs much anymore (hi Moms!) but hell, if e-newsletters are in again and the '90s "flatform" shoe is making a comeback, maybe we have a shot.

As I nurse a gin and tonic made of nothing but the finest (here's to you, cheap Chek tonic cans from the Mount Pleasant, SC Bi-Lo - sometimes you just buy things to get the job done, especially when you're en route to Vacation Weekend after a slight detour to fix a flat tire on I-26...), I'm mulling over what's happening so far in our garden plots. 
We went Tomato Crazy this year, planting 6+ mixed varieties in our raised beds that kinda-sorta get sufficient sunlight in our backyard, and 8 seedlings in one of our two Winterfield Community Garden plots. Hopefully we'll soon pick beautiful Red Delicious, San Marzano, Black Krim, Blue Gold Cherry, Brandywine, and a few "mystery" tomatoes, and I can …

Tea Time

Fall finally decided to show up here in Charlotte, NC this week.

Hoodies and sweaters were pulled out of closets, socks and slippers donned for the first time in months, and denim could be worn comfortably.

Oh denim. I've never understood people who wear jeans in Southern humidity. They're like sweaty straightjackets for your legs and torso. Skin was meant to breathe, y'all.

So with a chill in the air, one must make certain adjustments in all areas of life, from the closet to the kitchen. Gin & tonics are replaced with red wine. We buy apples and dried fruit for cereal instead of berries. And I trade daily cold drinks of seltzer for my favorite comfort of the cooler seasons - tea.

Scott & I share an affinity for tea, and we have our rituals. "Tea and Books and Bed" is a totally innocent affair that involves piling up with reading material and decaffeinated brews. You do have to watch Scott with tea - one drowsy moment can result in a messy spill, turning …