Daydream for a Droopy Thursday

I'm not having a very satisfactory week, or month, or maybe even year, it seems.

Last night my husband and I had another "serious talk" about where we are, what we're doing, and how the whole shebang is going - this moving to Dc business, jobs, life, etc. He said something he's said time and time again - that he's feeling "like a square peg in a round hole." That he just doesn't fit here.

After sitting down at my desk today, again searching for something, anything, to do here at this cold cubicle where the A/C runs overboard and the computer monitor glow gives me headaches -- I get what he means.

Emails come in like fast breaking waves, meetings are held where the same things are repeated like a skipping record, and I got my first phone call of the month from someone actually outside of this building...here on the 29th of August.

Oh venting on the Internet. It's so cathartic.

Sooooo...all is not so well. I'm listless, feeling my mind and any people skills I may have rendered to mush. I thought it was such a good idea, such a fantastic organization to join. I didn't realize I'd be a desk jockey.

All this inertia makes me want...to run. To just sell it all and travel. See stuff I've always yearned to see. To connect with people. To really damn well live. I'm almost 30 and I feel old already, like I've resigned myself to a life I don't really feel I have control of.

This is a food-related post, actually. Part of this whole dream of mine involves me, making food, and selling it. I had a eureka moment this morning on a particularly uninspired place, a seat on the 7:36 a.m. MARC train, where I thought about a food shop/cafe. Owned by me.

A cute shop, with mismatched china and oilcloth table coverings, and mirrors made of old windows, and a weathered porch screen door. And vintage postcards for decor. And a simple menu of sweet tea, sandwiches and salads.

Am I going totally bonkers? All of a sudden I really wanted that more than anything before. I feel nuts.

I feel like I could have a head for business, but then I think about what it would take. How I would have to understand real estate/leases, know how to handle money and taxes, food safety, etc.

It's unsettling, and yet thrilling. Am I insane? Maybe. But for once it feels good to dream.